Tag Archive | funny

Irony

My hubby just installed our new, large, toyhauler mailbox last weekend. Our mail person is going to love it, as they can fit much larger packages in it and not have to drive up to the house to drop them off.

I do have an odd set-up for the front of my home. The true, front door is not convenient to use, as it drops you off into a small hallway in the living room. I much prefer using the garage entrance that then goes into the kitchen. Way more accessible to everything and a much larger foyer, so to speak.

I have a long bench right by this door that is out of the elements and a great place to leave packages, as I will see them walking up. The front door has no protection from rain. Even though I have blocked the front stoop from access with flower pots, it doesn’t stop them from hopping over and putting them there. It’s really only UPS and FedEx that does it. I usually have a note in the mailbox, telling the mail carrier to place them on the bench…

Since I had a new mailbox, I needed to write out a new note to hang inside, informing the carriers of my wishes that larger packages be placed on the bench. This was my first attempt. DOH!!!!

© Ilex ~ Midwestern Plant Girl

Why You Must Listen Better

My Grandfather was a hoot! He learned to play the piano at a young age and then went on to learn many other instruments as well. He became a music teacher and even played saxophone in Jazz band.

While visiting him, he always had fun things to tell us grand kids. This was one of my favorite poems he would recite to us. He had many animated jesters to go with the lines. Too, too funny.

funny-man

When God gave out heads,

I thought He said Beds,

and I asked for a soft one.

When God gave out looks,

I thought He said books,

and I didn’t want any.

When God gave out noses,

I thought He said roses

and I asked for a large, red one.

When God gave out ears,

I thought He said beers,

and I asked for two big ones.

When God gave out chins,

I thought He said gins,

and I asked for a double.

When God gave out brains,

I though He said trains

and I said I’d take the next one.

When God gave out legs,

I though He said kegs,

So I ordered two fat ones.

Since then I’m trying to listen better. =-)

*I tried to find an author to this to no avail. Please correct me if you do!

Shut the F-ing Door! Were You Born in a Barn?!?

“Were you born in a barn?” I can still hear my Mother’s voice uttering this phrase…. After us kids were old enough to sass her with, “I don’t know. I was just being born. Where did you decide to birth me?” She changed her response to an open door with, “I didn’t marry the electric man!” or “Don’t let all the bought air out!”

Those nagging comments make their point. Shut the F-ing door! How hard is it to do? You’re forgiven for the few times your arms are full, however unless that is the reason… Shut the front door! Or back, side, garage or even the car door.

My Mother ran a tight ship that had us three children (my brother, me and the eldest child, my father) kept in line, for the most part. She grew up during the depression and was frugal. I also get the concept from a frugality standpoint… I don’t want to pay to cool/heat the world. Let alone the fact of all the critters that can get access to your domain; stink bugs, skeeters, mice, moths, wasps.. Oh My!

My boys, Breck and Oreo aren’t genius dogs, but they have their moments. Breck is smart when he wants to be, and the outcome will benefit him. Oreo tries so hard to understand what we want of him, tiny smoke rings blow out his ears. So cute. Once he does ‘get’ something, he doesn’t forget it tho.

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The kitchen door in the photo goes out to our garage, where there is a doggy door that exits to the yard. This is perfect, as if muddy paws or any other nastiness needs to be dealt with, it happens in the garage. This would also mean that the dogs would need to stay in the garage until a human has time to deal with them…. Not come in when they wanted, full of god knows what!!!

When we chose to change the locks, my husband thought this type of handle would be easier to use when your hands were full. Who knew that it also is easier for Breck to open the door also! Breck understands doors that open by swinging out, however not doors that swing in. He knows the knobs are crucial to how it works, but in his 9 years hasn’t coordinated pulling and twisting a knob together, only pushing and twisting. Click here to see his attempt to open the basement door.

Thank goodness the little one has not learned his brothers tricks. Oreo sits quietly on the step, waiting for us or his brother to be let in.

Since this has been happening, I have been trying to teach both of them, “SHUT THE DOOR” to no avail. Has anyone out there taught their dogs how? I’d love to know your secret! Until then, I will enjoy the fact that after 10 years of my Mother not being on the same plane as me, I can still hear her voice.

© Ilex – Midwestern Plant Girl

Border Collies – The Animal Kingdom’s Meteorologist

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Incoming!!!!!

I rarely have to check the weather to see if a storm is on the way, as Breck let’s me know by becoming ‘clingy’ (Clink-on dog) or hiding. I’ve written many posts about this already…

There is a prediction of 8″ of snow on the way to us. I found Breck hiding behind the boxes in the garage, after I had let him outside and then had a heart attack  when I couldn’t find him in the yard. Thanks, Buddy… not. When it comes to snowstorms it’s funny… He knows they are coming, however he doesn’t freak as much since there is no thunder. Rarely, do we get thundersnows, ie, thunder during snowstorms. Watch the video below about a meteorologist and his reaction to the rare phenomenon.

Cliff’s Version: The ingredients necessary for thundersnow are so exceptional that it’s estimated only .07 % of snowstorms are associated with thunder. In a 30 year study of snowstorms with lightning, meteorologists found there’s an 86 % chance that at least 6” inches of snow will accumulate within a 70 mile radius of the lightning.

I remember the first time we experienced a thundersnow. It had started to snow so we went out to get some energy (anxiety) out before the snow hit hard and filled the yard. All of a sudden a huge, varicose vein of a lightning covered the sky, then a very loud clap of thunder! It was super awesome to experience… well, at least for the humans. The fur kids were high-tailing it for the garage.

Animals might react to incoming weather events and natural disasters wp-1481903109197.jpgby using one or all of their five senses which are usually better than a human’s. Many weather occurrences generate sounds in the infrasonic range, too low for humans to hear, however well within the range of many animal species.

Scientists have observed animals being effected by barometric pressure and sound waves. Sea birds are frequently noted flying inland when the pressure drops before a storm.

I do believe animals can sense many types of weather or natural disasters. Read here about the animals in the area of the Asiatic tsunami of December 2004. Animals don’t think about paying bills, having the latest android, if they should dye their gray hair, quit their job… They only need to think about survival; food, water, shelter, procreation, safety. When that’s all you have to think about, you get good at learning about these things. Stupid humans… why do we clutter ourselves so??

© Ilex – Midwestern Plant Girl

Another Dog Dilemma for the Oreo

Oreo can’t get enough tennis balls. He loves to chew, chase and de-fuzz them!

Normally, we keep all the dog toys in the white rack on the wall where he may be able to see them, however not get to them. He knows they are there, and when he want’s to play, he will sit in front of it and stare at the rack. This time he noticed there was a ball near the rack that he could reach. He didn’t understand it was on a rope!

I’ll have more info about this ‘ball on a rope’ in an upcoming post. For now, just enjoy and laugh at the poor, ‘lil guy!!

Previous Dilemma’s in a Dog’s Life  1 2345 – 6

 

© Ilex – Midwestern Plant Girl

Don’t Let Friends Drive Drunk or Forgetful Friends Either…

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Look at the door handle closely…

I follow a traffic cop in Southern California by the name of Badge 415. He posts some funny shyt! This situation made me think of him…

I pulled into the parking lot of the local strip mall, containing a hardware store, where I was going, along with other stores and of course, a bar. It was early on a Sunday, and the bar was not open yet. This would lead me to believe that this car was a left over from Saturday night. I could go on and on about all the stories my brain was coming up with for the situation…

Did the driver get tackled by his buddy right as he placed the keys in the door and his friend drove him home?

Did the driver put his keys in the door, hick-upped and then thought he lost his keys and walked home?

Alien abduction?

The smell of the Taco Bell grabbed his attention and led him down the block?

How did he get into his house without his keys?

I’ll go back to alien abduction. Final Answer.


© Ilex – Midwestern Plant Girl