Tag Archive | humor

Grass Flip-Flops Brings Summer to Winter

When it’s cold outside and there’s snow on the grass… These grass-lined flip-flops sure bring back memories of summer.
wp-image-242543188jpg.jpg

Brrr! Only about 4 more months till summer… Sigh.

wp-1486843816516.jpg

PS – (Added to post much later than above was originally written) To a keen eye or another Midwesterner… This photo was clearly taken over a month ago, back when there was actually snow on the ground. True. It’s been floating in my ‘Scheduled’ folder for awhile. I almost thought about pushing it off yet again, until there was some snow on the ground to exaggerate my point of needing these grass-lined flip-flops… After checking the forecast for the next few months… I feel there’s very little hope in seeing any decent amount of snow the rest of this winter. Oh. so. NOT. sad!!!! Seems we may have an early spring. I sure hope so. Toes crossed!

© Ilex ~Midwestern Plant Girl

 

Hope He Makes It….

Although I didn’t sleep in a Holiday Inn last night or have any previous experience being a tow truck driver…. I have been a past member of Mensa, and think I may be able to comment on this situation without anyone questioning my intelligence. I think anyone with basic common sense will agree with me.

One of our Ford F450 trucks blew a transmission. We put it up on Craig’s List for a quick, cheap sale. The ad read, “You will need to tow the truck away upon purchase.” A potential buyer came out, gave us an offer and we yelled, “SOOOOOOLD!” He scheduled a pick-up the next day.

Does anyone else see any potential problems here? Let’s see if we can just point out a few… I don’t want to start your Monday out too hard now!

  • The front tire is barely on the bed. The heaviest part of the truck, along with a plow, dangles precariously off the edge. What you can’t see is the rusted connections holding the plow on. Oh! No red flag on the plow either.
  • The truck on the bed is a F450… the tow truck is a F250. Hmmm, just a bit of a weight difference. While it was being hoisted up onto the bed, the front end of the tow truck came off the ground. There was a moment when I thought the whole thing would flop backwards, however the operator got lucky as the pivot-point went back forward and the wheels touched ground again.
  • No one thought how smart it would have been to put the plow into the back of the truck, and point the truck forward. Well, except for me, staring out the window watching.
  • Maybe had the destination only been down the street, I would have had move confidence in the safety of this trip… However, this truck was destine for South Chicago, a good 2 hour ride, via highways.

In the end, I didn’t hear of any accidents involving this get-up. Granted, had I rolled up behind this, I would have given it a w i d e berth. 

 

© Ilex ~ Midwestern Plant Girl

Why You Must Listen Better

My Grandfather was a hoot! He learned to play the piano at a young age and then went on to learn many other instruments as well. He became a music teacher and even played saxophone in Jazz band.

While visiting him, he always had fun things to tell us grand kids. This was one of my favorite poems he would recite to us. He had many animated jesters to go with the lines. Too, too funny.

funny-man

When God gave out heads,

I thought He said Beds,

and I asked for a soft one.

When God gave out looks,

I thought He said books,

and I didn’t want any.

When God gave out noses,

I thought He said roses

and I asked for a large, red one.

When God gave out ears,

I thought He said beers,

and I asked for two big ones.

When God gave out chins,

I thought He said gins,

and I asked for a double.

When God gave out brains,

I though He said trains

and I said I’d take the next one.

When God gave out legs,

I though He said kegs,

So I ordered two fat ones.

Since then I’m trying to listen better. =-)

*I tried to find an author to this to no avail. Please correct me if you do!

Shut the F-ing Door! Were You Born in a Barn?!?

“Were you born in a barn?” I can still hear my Mother’s voice uttering this phrase…. After us kids were old enough to sass her with, “I don’t know. I was just being born. Where did you decide to birth me?” She changed her response to an open door with, “I didn’t marry the electric man!” or “Don’t let all the bought air out!”

Those nagging comments make their point. Shut the F-ing door! How hard is it to do? You’re forgiven for the few times your arms are full, however unless that is the reason… Shut the front door! Or back, side, garage or even the car door.

My Mother ran a tight ship that had us three children (my brother, me and the eldest child, my father) kept in line, for the most part. She grew up during the depression and was frugal. I also get the concept from a frugality standpoint… I don’t want to pay to cool/heat the world. Let alone the fact of all the critters that can get access to your domain; stink bugs, skeeters, mice, moths, wasps.. Oh My!

My boys, Breck and Oreo aren’t genius dogs, but they have their moments. Breck is smart when he wants to be, and the outcome will benefit him. Oreo tries so hard to understand what we want of him, tiny smoke rings blow out his ears. So cute. Once he does ‘get’ something, he doesn’t forget it tho.

image     image

The kitchen door in the photo goes out to our garage, where there is a doggy door that exits to the yard. This is perfect, as if muddy paws or any other nastiness needs to be dealt with, it happens in the garage. This would also mean that the dogs would need to stay in the garage until a human has time to deal with them…. Not come in when they wanted, full of god knows what!!!

When we chose to change the locks, my husband thought this type of handle would be easier to use when your hands were full. Who knew that it also is easier for Breck to open the door also! Breck understands doors that open by swinging out, however not doors that swing in. He knows the knobs are crucial to how it works, but in his 9 years hasn’t coordinated pulling and twisting a knob together, only pushing and twisting. Click here to see his attempt to open the basement door.

Thank goodness the little one has not learned his brothers tricks. Oreo sits quietly on the step, waiting for us or his brother to be let in.

Since this has been happening, I have been trying to teach both of them, “SHUT THE DOOR” to no avail. Has anyone out there taught their dogs how? I’d love to know your secret! Until then, I will enjoy the fact that after 10 years of my Mother not being on the same plane as me, I can still hear her voice.

© Ilex – Midwestern Plant Girl