Tag Archive | Mental illness

Black Flag

I’ve had a pretty bad month. I’m hopefully going to be bouncing back soon. I’m struggling a bit on content for the blog, so I though I’d share the other side of my brain in this post. I’ve already shared my “Pep Me up! Wooo Yeah! You go girl” song (You’ve Got Another Thing Coming – By Judas Priest) Can you say MANIC?!?

Here’s the bi-polar side of things. Kings X wrote Black Flag back in 1992. I typed out the lyrics, if it’s too much metal for ya ๐Ÿ˜‰ The video looks like it was made on a budget of $500 (really hoaky), but the song is great.

A year in the hole had taken its toll

When I took a good look at me

And what a surprise the scope of my eyes could only see black

And I remember someone who was taking them two by two

and lately I’d become the one who’d have laughed at you too!

There was a Black Flag on my morning

There was a Black Flag on my day

There was a Black Flag on everything around and I was walking backwards again I walked in the day, my usual way, looking through a 2 X 4

It colored my view, I couldn’t see you

Or maybe I just wouldn’t

And I remember the time when the sunlight fell on my head

And lately I’d become a member of the walking dead

There was a Black Flag on my morning

There was a Black Flag on my day

There was a Black Flag on everything around and I was walking backwards again and I know that I was wrong.

It was up to me if I wanted to see

And I remember the day when I saw the mask on my face And I knew that it was time to put the thing in its place I’d put the

Black Flag on my morning

I’d put the Black Flag on my day

I’d put the Black Flag on everything around And I was walking backwards again And I know that I was wrongย 

ยฉ Ilex ~ Midwestern Plant Girl

Back to Work, You Home Wrecker!

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I’ve been on holiday since December 20th. It will be a rude awakening tomorrow for the webowner’s that have decided to anchor to my antenna… Let alone a rude awakening for myself as I trudge back into the torture of a 40 hour work week.

In reality, I pushed averages of 52 hours a week last season. My boss wants to be busier than last year. Not happy. May need to make some changes soon.

Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life…

I believe this. I’ve thrown myself into projects before and even after I’ve sweat, toiled and ripped hair out, I still don’t feel like I do when I get home from work now. I really hate catering to the rich. What a wasteful, greedy bunch. They all think money is the answer, just throw money at the problem, it will go away. Sadly, most of the time it does!! However, sometimes it doesn’t and watching a grown person have a tantrum is hilarious… I can hardly keep my wits about me.

Last June, I put my arborist license on the line for a client that wanted a circular driveway installed that was a bit too close to two, large parkway trees. Village said no, client hired lawyers, our company (professional consultant for the trees (me) & builder) and I said the trees will be well cared for and unaffected by our careful installers (cough-bullshit-cough)…. He won (after a costly court battle) and built his drive. Two months after construction, they sold the house and moved down the street.ย  =-O

I don’t generally make New Year’s resolutions. I’ve got a better reason than most for waiting, My birthday is Wednesday. Why deny myself anything a week before my day? The days leading up to my day are usually filled with reflection, sometimes regret, sometimes joy. I did have a wonderful year in general, however, I am in need of some changes for 2015.

Last April, I shared a bit more about myself. I have some quick updates.

  • I have completed many small goals that have helped me motivate myself to attempt larger goals.
  1. Cleaning out the annex room of our garage so my husband can turn it into a studio.
  2. Painting/redecorating our bedroom (8 years of threats there!) + revamped his closet so his main storage of clothes isn’t the laundry room!
  3. Lots of stuff either donated, reorganized, scrapped or trashed. I want to down-size, huge. At least 3 cubic yards of crap… gone! Whew!!
  4. Stayed well within our budgetย  =-) No CC debt and truck payoff is ahead of schedule.
  5. Have kept my blog alive for two years now! Yeah & thank you!! Stay tuned…
  6. I’ve chosen a route I’d like to take with my life (for now) and know I should be chasing it!
  • Have chose to use a Life Coach to kick my ass motivate me to get my grant writing / non-profit attempts started.
  • Have decided the drugs prescribed to me for my brain ailments is not what I need. A swift kick in the ass is what I need (See above). Another reason in brief; I missed a pill by 12 hours while traveling. The DT’s (Delirium tremens) were already setting in with thoughts of paranoia, not a normal issue for me & freaked me out! I will be weening next week. I feel like an addict. I’m way too much of a control freak to let something have that much power over me. (* this is a personal observation, not for everyone!)
  • Become less materialistic. I hope to endeavor to make myself happy with less stuff and more enjoyable tasks!ย  I want to leave a good mark on this planet. Not just live out my days, aimlessly.
  • Lastly, and most importantly… Keep my happy marriage a happy one! I love you Sweetheart!

To sum-up this postย  ~ There is a local singer that I love named Pat McCurdy. He is a hoot as most of his songs are hilarious (Campin’ with Lesbians, Sex & Beer, and his ‘Tribute to the 80’s’ย medleys, to name a few). He has a song that goes, “Get up, go to work, get drunk, go to sleep.” This is the EXACT opposite of what I want for my life. For one day, I will go to sleep and not get up.